


i'm fine (but you're no longer mine)

by ryneisaterriblefan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Is Gay, Everything Hurts, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Third Person, Panic Attacks, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, The Author Regrets Everything, Tsukishima Kei & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, i hope i projected m pain enough so that everyone can feel it, i want to cry lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 19:25:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14385501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryneisaterriblefan/pseuds/ryneisaterriblefan
Summary: The ball thuds onto the ground, and it sounds like the ground is breaking under the weight of their betrayal.And it seems like Tobio's heart is too.





	i'm fine (but you're no longer mine)

**Author's Note:**

> me: *promises to update the fic everyone actually wants to read*  
> me: *procrastinates and joins new fandom*  
> me: *writes a fanfic about a ship that isnt even popular*  
> me: why am i like this

 It hurts when your soulmates reject you.

 It’s not how books describe it, it’s more like all the feeling being sucked out of your body, leaving you numb and feeling too much at once.

 Tobio deserves it, though.

 He just doesn’t understand why it hurts so badly.

 So he goes to the library, asks the librarian for some books on soulmates, and settles into one of the beanbags in the far corner of the room.

 

                _Every person has a soulmate. Maybe even more. One can tell their soulmate by symbol on your wrist(s). Every soulmate has their own unique mark, and no two people who are not soulmates have had the same exact mark. The soulmark has been known to glow when the soulmates touch._

_Platonic soulmates are rare, but not unheard of. However, unlike a normal soulmate bond, one will only know their platonic soulmate after an emotional or a bonding moment. Platonic soulmarks consist of a simple green writing of the platonic soulmate’s name. While not being able to feel precise emotions as a “regular” or romantic soulmate does, a platonic soulmate will be able to read one’s emotions and know what one is thinking much better than other people._

                _It has been shown, under observation, that a soulmate bond can be repressed under extreme conditions of repulsion or hate. The person(s) rejecting the bond will cease to feel the other’s emotion, however, it takes a toll on the rejected in forms of throwing up, extreme sensitivity, and increased emotions.*_

_The side effects depend on the amount of resentment the soulmate(s) is feeling, and it has been observed that some occur faster more infrequently than others, and some may feel a lingering dull or aching feeling in the back of their mind._

_A repressed bond can be fixed after both or all soulmates consent to being fixed again. However, in some cases, the repressed bond lasts throughout life as a result of bitterness of being rejected._

_*’Increased emotions’ refer to experiencing both your soulmates(s)’ and your own emotions together at the same time._

 The next day, Tobio throws up.

 

 

  _‘Yuutarou, are you going to go talk to Kageyama?’_

_‘Huh? Why?’_

_‘He looks lonely.’_

_‘He’ll make fun of my height. They always do.’_

_‘I heard he’s joining the volleyball club. Maybe he likes tall people.’_

_‘Yeah, but –‘_

_‘Come on, he looks nice enough.’_

_‘Okay then. But you have to come with me.’_

_‘Fine.’_

 Tobio’s mark used to be so _beautiful,_ when it was nurtured with love and care, lingering touches like flakes of snow and a warm fire, naïve laughter, promises to be together until the end, a love to hold onto forever.

 On Tobio’s left wrist is a half-snowflake, small droplets of rain weaving through the tiny intricate patterns of the snowflake. It has a serene, calm sense to it, like drinking a hot chocolate on a rainy day.

 On his right wrist is a parallel picture of the sun, tiny flames licking the edge, bright and cheerful, a complete opposite to the mark on his left.

 But, somehow, they fit so well together. Each mark feels incomplete without the other, and only when Tobio puts his arms together does the picture look complete.

 But now – now, it’s nothing. Just a dark, grey outline that hurts to look at, brings a pang to his chest every time he sees it.

 Whatever. It’s not like he cares that much anyways.

 

  _ ~~He does. It hurts like hell and he really does.~~_

 

 

  _‘Hey, do you want to each lunch with us?’_

_‘Why?’_

_‘I guess you looked lonely.’_

_‘…I don’t need your pity.’_

_‘No, ugh, it’s not what I meant – just, please? We want to be friends.’_

_‘…okay.’_

 ‘Toss to me!’

 The shout feels like a stab and a medicine at the same time, as Tobio instinctively tosses the ball to Hinata.

 Hinata, who is the sunshine in most people’s lives, who can make Tobio’s world flip over with just three words. Hinata, who cheers everyone up, even Tsukishima, as much as the latter tries to deny it.

 Sometimes, Tobio wishes Hinata was his soulmate instead.

 It would be so much easier.

 

 

 ‘ _You’re going to join the volleyball club, right?’_

_‘Yeah! What about you?’_

_‘Yeah, us too. What position do you play?’_

_‘I’m a setter!’_

_‘Wing spiker.’_

_‘Middle blocker.’_

_‘Cool! You guys absolutely have to spike my tosses, okay?’_

_‘Yeah. We will.’_

_‘Promise?’_

_‘Promise.’_

 Hinata and Tobio have been left on cleanup duty, the third years trusting them enough to lock the gym up and come to practice early enough to open the doors.

 While they’re gathering the balls, Hinata, out of the blue, asks, ‘Do you have a soulmate?’

 ‘Of course, dumbass. Who doesn’t?’

 Hinata goes quiet, which is very unlike him, and asks, in a small voice, ‘Do you think it’s weird if one person has two?’

  _Now_ Hinata’s got his attention. ‘Hah?’

 ‘Like, if a person has two marks instead of one.’

 ‘I _know_ what you meant, dumbass.’

 Hinata doesn’t reply, and as they’re taking the equipment back into the room, Tobio says, ‘It’s not weird. It just means you have more people to love you.’

_Hypocrite,_ his mind quietly chatises him.

 Hinata looks at him with sparkling eyes. ‘Kageyama, you really think that?’

 Tobio’s not prepared for Hinata to hug him.

 ‘Dumbass, what –‘

 Hinata only grips him tighter, and Tobio can suddenly feel something wet and warm on the front of his t-shirt.

 ‘Wait, are you crying?’

 ‘No,’ Hinata mumbles into his chest, ‘I’m just really happy.’

  _Why?_ Tobio wants to ask, but he doesn’t, instead hesitantly wrapping his arms around Hinata’s smaller body.

 After a few minutes, Hinata lets go, and wipes away his tears.

 In other circumstances, Tobio probably would’ve yelled at Hinata, but this was not one of the times. Even _he_ knows this much.

 They both are uncharacteristically silent as they finish, but Hinata tells Tobio to sit down when they’re about to leave.

 Hinata takes a deep breath, then starts. ‘Okay, so the reason why I was so happy that you didn’t care about having two soulmates was because I was bullied for it back in middle school – people made fun of me, saying I was greedy and that no one ever deserved two people all to themselves. I really felt bad about it, and so I started wearing my wrist guards and you’re the first person I’ve told aside from my mom and I am so sorry I dumped this all on you I just feel so relieved – ‘

 Hinata won’t stop rambling, and Tobio, trying to get him to stop, reaches across and hugs Hinata. The smaller boy slumps into Kageyama, wrapping his arms around Tobio’s waist.

 Once he’s sure that Hinata’s not going to burst into tears anytime soon, he slowly releases him, and Hinata goes back to sitting on his own.

 ‘Your hugs are really nice, did you know that?’

 Talk about awkward. ‘You’re…the only person I’ve hugged aside from my mom.’ _And my soulmates._

 Hinata gapes at him, but before he can say more, Tobio asks quietly, ‘Can I see your soulmarks?’

 Hinata goes silent for a second, before inhaling, and slowly taking his wrist guards off, holding his arms out for Tobio to see. ‘Don’t laugh, okay?’

 Tobio reaches out and holds Hinata’s wrist, examining his left first.

 It’s a cartoon dinosaur, a green one, and it’s leaning down, but instead of eating grass or plants, Tobio sees what he interprets as a cake.

 ‘Is a dinosaur eating a cake?’ Tobio asks incredulously.

 Hinata huffs, ‘It’s a strawberry shortcake, you moron.’

 Tobio ignores the comment as he takes Hinata’s right wrist, which seems like a jumble of stars surrounded by a black glow, making the dots pop out even more. ‘Wait, is that a cup of French fries?’

 Hinata blushes, ‘I know it’s dumb, okay?’

 Tobio just chuckles a bit.

 ‘Hey! You promised not to laugh!’

 ‘No, no, it just…suits you.’

 Hinata rolls his eyes, drawing his arms back and slipping the wrist guards on. ‘What about you?’

 ‘Huh?’

 ‘Your soulmark,’ Hinata says easily, ‘Can I see it?’

 Tobio doesn’t reply, looking away as he debates about the pros and cons of telling Hinata.

 For once in his life, Hinata must pick up the mood of the conversation, because he tells Tobio, ‘Hey, if you don’t want to, it’s okay. I won’t pressure you.’

 ‘No,’ Tobio says, mostly to himself, ‘It’s about time I told someone.’

 Taking a deep breath, he takes off the bandages, as slowly as possible to draw the process out, and presents his wrists to Hinata.

 For once in his life, Hinata is silent.

 Then he traces his fingers over the marks, rubbing the darkened areas slowly with his thumb. Tobio doesn’t say anything.

 ‘You’ve met them.’

 It’s neither a statement nor a question, but Tobio nods anyways.

 Hinata’s hug knocks the air out of him (again) and Kageyama holds Hinata back as Hinata says, ‘I’m sorry, Kageyama, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.’

 ‘Dumbass,’ Tobio says, but his voice is thick, ‘It’s not something you can control.’

 ‘I’m still sorry,’ Hinata insists, hugging onto Tobio tighter, and Tobio finally lets himself cry, burying his head into Hinata’s shoulder, reveling in Hinata’s warmth and his ability to make him feel better just by being there for him.

                _Oh, how times have changed._

 After a few minutes of just sitting there, Kageyama reluctantly lets Hinata go, wrapping his bandages back around his arms.

 ‘Whoever it is,’ Hinata pipes up suddenly, ‘I think they don’t deserve you.’

 Tobio’s heart clenches.

 ‘No,’ he says, ‘I deserved it.’

 ‘Nobody deserves to be rejected,’ Hinata says, ‘Everyone should have someone who cares for them unconditionally.’

 ‘Well, mine don’t. Don’t worry yourself over it, okay?’

 Hinata pursed his lips, ‘Fine.’

 They don’t say anything more until they’re walking back, Hinata wheeling his bicycle and walking slowly beside Kageyama.

 ‘Thank you,’ Tobio says into the cold night air. ‘For letting me talk to you.’

 Hinata laughs a bit, ‘I could say the same to you.’

 ‘No, seriously. Even my mom doesn’t know about this.’

 ‘Well then,’ Hinata smiles up at Tobio, ‘Thank you for trusting me.’

 Tobio’s arm burns.

 In shock, he staggers. Hinata holds out a hand to help him, but suddenly it twitches violently and Hinata grabs his own arm to stop himself from falling over.

 The pain lasts for maybe ten seconds, but it feels longer.

 As soon as the pain is over, Tobio hurriedly takes off his jacket, cold seeping into his bones as soon as the frigid night air touches his skin. _What the hell?_

A cutesy, green-colored name has appeared on his right arm written in a handwriting that is _so_ familiar.

  _HINATA SHOUYOU_

They both stare at the tattoo and then at each other, before Hinata almost rips his coat off trying to get out of it. When he turns his arm, there’s a soulmark in the exact same place Tobio’s is.

  _KAGEYAMA TOBIO_

 For the first time that day, Tobio is prepared for Hinata’s hug.

 

 

  _‘Your tosses are awesome!’_

_‘Thanks!’_

_‘Kunimi, come on, spike some of his tosses!’_

_‘Hey, do you want to come over?’_

_‘Sure.’_

_‘Thanks. My mom’s been nagging me to make new friends.’_

_‘Good for you we like volleyball, huh?’_

_‘Do you think we should put some stickers up? Your room is so bare.’_

_‘I have some glow in the dark stars, do they work?’_

_‘Sure!’_

_‘Ow! Kindaichi, don’t fall on me!’_

_‘Well I’m sorry gravity works too well on me.’_

_‘You two are idiots.’_

_‘You’re the one who suggested it!’_

_‘Kindaichi?’_

_‘Yeah?’_

_‘Your wrist.’_

_‘Huh?’_

_‘It’s beautiful.’_

_‘Kageyama?’_

_‘You’re my soulmate.’_

_‘Yeah, I am.’_

_‘But we have another one left. It’s beautiful, right?’_

_‘Hey, Kunimi, can we see your soulmark?’_

_‘Go ahead.’_

_‘…I’m happy we turned out like this.’_

_‘Yeah, me too.’_

_‘Now we’ll be together forever, right?’_

_‘Of course!’_

 

 Tobio’s first instinct when Tanaka notices the new soulmark is to run and hide and possibly drag Hinata with him to avoid their senpai’s interrogation.

 Alas, he is too late, and by the time he reaches a conscious decision, Tanaka’s already grabbed his arm and held it up for the world to see.

 ‘Ohohoho?’

 ‘Yes, Tanaka-san?’

 Tanaka grins, that one grin that he thinks makes him look scary but just makes him look stupid instead, and says, ‘So our little baby crow’s got himself a soulmate, huh?’

 Tobio doesn’t have time to say anything before Nishinoya bounds over, his own soulmark matching the one on the side of Tanaka’s neck.

 ‘Kageyama, c’mon, show us!’

 Tobio holds his arm out, at the same time as Hinata skips over. ‘Noya-senpai, Tanaka-senpai, what’s going on?’

 ‘Shouyou! You have your soulmark too, right?’

 Hinata grins, bright and cheerful, ‘Yeah! Kageyama and I got them yesterday!’

 Tanaka grins, and slaps them both on the back.

 ‘Dai-san! Suga-san!’ Noya calls out. ‘Kageyama and Hinata got their soulmarks!’

 Both of their senpai come over, with pleased smiles as they examine the writing on their arms.

 ‘It’s a bit weird, though,’ Suga says, laughing. ‘I always thought that Hinata would be Kageyama’s romantic soulmate.’

 ‘The king deserves no one less,’ can be heard somewhere from the back.

 ‘Shut up Tsukishima,’ Hinata and Tobio both growl in tandem and blush when their senpai laugh heartily at them.

 

 

  _‘Kunimi, you have so much potential. Why can’t you just try harder? I know you can do it.’_

_‘Knowing and doing isn’t the same thing, Kageyama.’_

_‘I give my best tosses to you! I know you can match up to them, but you’re not even trying!’_

_‘Well, maybe I’m not as obsessed with volleyball as you are, Kageyama.’_

_‘But –‘_

_‘No. You can go toss to Kindaichi.’_

 Tobio’s the last one out that day, having forgotten his textbook and going back to retrieve it. He feels a bit uneasy, though, and he thinks it’s because it’s around the time of day when he’s usually home and he spews out whatever he’s eaten that day.

 He knew he should’ve given Hinata his meat bun.

 Sighing, he retrieves his textbook from where it’s lying on the floor, and manages to run back to his house just in time to make it to the bathroom and throw up.

 It always hurts when he does this – emotionally and physically. Even after he’s finished, there’s a lingering ache in his stomach and throat that makes him want to curl up in a blanket and never come back out again.

  _I deserved it,_ he chants in his head like a mantra until he goes to sleep.

  _I deserved it._

 

 

  _‘Jump higher! Go faster!’_

_‘I’m trying, dammit!’_

_‘I know you can do better than this!’_

_‘Not everyone can match up to you, Kageyama.’_

_‘I’m sorry I’m making you take the brunt of Kageyama’s words.’_

_‘It’s okay. Someone needs to stand up to him.’_

 The training camp is hell.

 Mostly because Tobio’s impromptu throw-up sessions are getting worse and it’s getting increasingly harder to avoid suspicion.

 Also, the universe hates him because the amounts of soulmates around him are increasing and it makes him _sick._

 From his own team, there’s Daichi and Suga (the adoring, loving couple), Asahi and Noya (the ‘opposites attract’ couple), Tanaka and Ennoshita (the BroTM couple), Kinoshita and Narita (the ‘people don’t notice us so we can get away with anything’ couple), and lastly, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi (the tsundere and deredere couple).

 He wonders if he and Hinata should try dating platonically to not be left out.

 From Nekoma, there’s Kuroo and Kenma, Lev and Yaku, Shibayama and Inuoka, and from Fukurodani, there’s Bokuto and Akaashi, as much as he knows.

 He tosses again, the volleyball successfully hitting the water bottle on the ground, when Hinata runs up to him.

 ‘Kageyama, have you seen my wrist guards?’ he practically yells into Tobio’s face.

 ‘No, dumbass,’ Tobio grunts, ‘You can take mine. It’s in my bag.’

 Before Hinata can run off again, Tsukishima’s annoying voice says, in a lazy drawl, ‘So, the Shorty’s told the king about his soulmate? I bet the king’s told him about it too. I wonder what poor unfortunate soul ended up being connected to the king for life?’

 The words feel like a stab to the gut, but for once in his life, Tobio can’t find anything to say, because it’s true. His soulmates don’t deserve someone like him.

 But Hinata turns to Tsukishima, eyes blazing, and says, without a hint of his usual cheer or enthusiasm, ‘Don’t say that.’

 Tsukishima, that bastard, continues to smirk, but as Hinata’s opening his mouth to say more, Lev trips over something trying to receive a ball, falls into Hinata, who in turn falls into Tsukishima.

 For a moment, everything is silent, Lev seemingly wallowing in the disaster that he’s caused.

 However, he’s forgotten when Hinata’s left wrist lights up.

 The silence drags on, and Tobio feels the most awkward he’s been in his entire life.

 The silence is broken by Hinata’s ‘UWAHHHH’ and Yamaguchi kneeling down to help Tsukishima’s own wrist guards off.

 And lo-and-behold, both of his wrists are glowing.

 Yamaguchi gasps quietly, lifting one of his hands to put upon Hinata’s. And like a beacon, their wrists light up, and for once, Tsukishima seems speechless.

 They’re only allowed a moment of peace before Hinata’s friends (read: the entire gym) pounce onto them, congratulating and hugging the (almost) smallest Karasuno member.

 And Hinata, Hinata laughs all the way through it, mouth wide and cheeks dusted red and seeming happier than he’s probably ever been. Yamaguchi looks elated too, more than the times Noya doesn’t mange to receive his serves, and he has this big, dopey grin on his face that admittedly makes him look very cute. Tsukishima is his usual indifferent self, but a light blush is evident on his cheeks as people, namely Bokuto, give him solid pats (read: slaps) on his back.

 Tobio, by some luck, manages to catch Hinata’s eye over the crowd, and gestures as subtly as he can that he’s going back to the dorms.

 Hinata nods, lost in his own sea of ecstasy as Tobio quietly slips away unnoticed by other people.

 

 

  _We could’ve been happy together._

_You could’ve tried hard enough._

_I did my best for you._

_I tried to be my best for you._

_You both are so good – awesome players – and I know your limits better than anyone else does._

_So why?_

_Why aren’t you even trying?_

_This isn’t your best._

_You can be so much more than this._

_**‘Jump higher! Run faster!’**_

****

****

 ‘Seriously?’

 Hinata pouts, ‘C’mon, Kageyama, don’t be jealous.’

 ‘I’m not jealous, dumbass! Just why _Tsukishima,_ of all _people?_ ’

 ‘Jealousy’s not a good look on you, Yamayama-kun.’

 Tobio grabs Hinata’s hair.

 ‘OWOWOWOW, LET GO YOU MEANIE!’

 Rolling his eyes, Tobio lets go.

 ‘’Sides,’ Hinata continues, ‘Don’t worry. I’m not going to leave you just because I found my soulmate.’

 ‘Like I care, dumbass,’ Tobio growls.

 When Hinata laughs, he gets the feeling that Hinata knows he actually cares, and Tobio, for once, isn’t scared of someone knowing his true feelings.

 

 

  _‘Kageyama?’_

_‘What?’_

_‘Do you…are you going to come over?’_

_‘No.’_

_‘Is everything okay?’_

_‘Yes.’_

_‘Are you sure you can’t come?’_

_‘Yes. I need more practice.’_

_‘Okay.’_

_**I need to get better.**_

****

 

 Fighting with Hinata is one of the scariest things Tobio’s ever experienced in his life.

 It’s just – the prospect is so _scary_ , like Hinata spiking with his eyes open means that he’s going to leave Tobio. Tobio knows in his head that Hinata isn’t the person to do that, he’s loyal as heck and always keeps his word.

 But it doesn’t mean that Tobio can let go of his fear so easily.

 Hinata seems to have realized this, as, the next day, when Tobio tells him that he’ll be practicing on his own, he just grins and tells him to hurry up to get better so that Tobio can toss to him again.

 

 

  _‘Kageyama, you’re spending too much time on this.’_

_‘It’s not enough time if I can’t get better.’_

_‘You need to take a break.’_

_‘If I take a break, then I’m going to end up as bad as you.’_

_‘Are you still on about this?’_

_‘Of course.’_

_‘You do know that not everyone can put the same amount of effort into volleyball as you do, right?’_

_‘I’ll find someone who does.’_

 

 Months pass.

 They’re going to Nationals.

 It seems too surreal sometimes.

 Until one day, they receive an invitation for a training camp of sorts from Seijoh.

 ‘Their coach said their third years requested it. Parting wishes and all that. But they said it’s okay if you refuse,’ Takeda explains, giving them a moment to discuss among themselves.

 ‘I think it’ll be a good opportunity,’ Suga says, looking at Daichi, who nods in agreement. ‘We could maybe even be friends with them.’

 Tsukishima scoffs, but says nothing when Daichi fixes his Dad SmileTM on him.

 The second years chime in their agreement, though Tanaka seems a bit suspicious.

 Tobio, meanwhile, is freaking out. He doesn’t know what side effects staying in close proximity with your soulmates after being rejected will bring, but it can’t be better than anything that he’s been experiencing until now.

 At least Kindaichi and Kunimi won’t be bothered by him.

 ‘-yama?’

 Tobio shakes himself out of his thoughts as he catches the tail end of his name being called. ‘Huh?’

 Suga laughs, and ask him again. ‘What do you think about going to practice?’

  _It makes my stomach twist and I want to throw up and I’m so fucking scared I don’t want to see their faces ever again Idontwanttofeelthisguiltiwantitto **stop**_ –

 ‘It’s fine. We need all the practice we can get.’

 Tsukishima rolls his eyes and says, ‘Typical,’ but Tobio doesn’t hear that.

 ‘Great! The training camp will be on Saturday, and it ends after Monday. Please arrive at school early and bring all necessary things,’ Takeda recites with a bright smile on his face.

 ‘OSU!’

 

_‘We don’t want to play with you anymore.’_

_‘Kageyama, go sit out.’_

 On Friday night, Tobio can’t sleep, wracked with nerves. In the end, he just ends up pulling on a pair of running shoes and some sweatpants to take a run outside that will, hopefully, take his mind off things and calm him enough to go to sleep.

 He makes his usual round, though everything seems so different at night. The wind is cold, but it keeps him awake as he takes a detour to the park after running.

 What surprises him is the lone figure sitting on the bench beside the fountain.

 It’s too late – about half past midnight – but the person is still there, and Tobio, as inconspicuously as he can, walks forward slowly to see if it’s worth joining the person on the bench beside them.

 However, as soon as he figures out who it is, he freezes.

 ‘Tsukishima?’ he asks himself under his breath, but apparently he isn’t quiet enough because Tsukishima whips around, spots him and narrows his eyes.

 ‘King?’

 Habitually, Tobio snaps, ‘Don’t call me that.’

 Tsukishima hums, but turns around, and Tobio takes that as a silent invitation – ironically – to join him.

 They sit like that for a while, both looking up at the stars, before Tsukishima finally asks, ‘So, why has your Highness decides to grace me with his presence?’

 ‘I wasn’t aware you considered my presence as gracing you.’

 Tsukishima scoffs, ‘Why would I like your presence?’

 Tobio rolls his eyes, unable to find a suitable response. ‘What about you, then?’

 ‘Couldn’t sleep.’

 The straightforward answer is surprising, though Tobio can’t really judge. ‘Nervous?’

 ‘You wish.’

 Then the sort-of small talk stops, continuing on for several minutes.

  _This is actually calming,_ Tobio thinks. Maybe it’s because of the night air, maybe even because of Tsukishima.

 Surprisingly, Tsukishima speaks first.

 ‘Do you ever feel like you’re not enough?’

 Tobio opens his mouth to reply, but Tsukishima shakes his head.

 ‘Hear me out for a minute. Say you have someone – two someones, even – like Hinata and Yamaguchi, bright like the sun and cheerful. Both of them love you, but you don’t know why. As long as you know them, you’ve only insulted them, made them feel inferior, but they look past your flaws and insecurities and are there for you every moment of the day. And you’ve done nothing to deserve it.

 ‘And yet you can’t do anything for them because you’re an emotionally constipated asshole who’s blocked out your feelings for so long that you just sink into a hole of hurtful comments when you don’t even mean them.’

 Tsukishima takes a breath, and then continues.

 ‘And your brother lied to you when you were younger about being the ace even though he wasn’t on the fucking team and it left you with shitty and horrible trust issues so you end up hurting and kicking out everyone who tries to get close to you and say terrible things to them but you don’t mean it but how’re _they_ supposed to know that you’re just hurt and you just want –‘

 He cuts himself off, gasping and wiping the tears coming out from his eyes.

 And…Tobio’s never felt so out of place in his life.

 Here he is, on a bench in the middle of the night, with _Tsukishima Kei_ of all people, who is currently telling him about his life problems and _crying._

 Hesitantly, he reaches a hand out, awkwardly patting Tsukishima on the shoulder. ‘There, there?’

 Tsukishima laughs dryly, voice devoid of all humor, ‘You’re not going to be comforting any crying babies soon.’

 ‘So I’ve been told.’

 Tsukishima rolls his eyes, but – surprisingly – leans into Tobio’s touch.

 ‘You probably know this, but – they probably deserve you as much as you deserve them.’ Tobio grits his teeth, ‘Both Hinata and I are jealous of you.’

 When Tsukishima looks at him, Tobio explains, ‘You’re tall, you have a good eye for volleyball, and you can keep calm and figure out what to do in a matter of seconds. What’s frustrating is that you don’t make use of it, you’re too indifferent and act like nothing ever bothers you.

 ‘But, I know Hinata appreciates you. Why else do you think he was overjoyed when he found out you and Yamaguchi were his soulmates? And, I don’t know Yamaguchi that well, but anyone who’s stuck by you since your childhood isn’t going to hate you. The both of them are better at reading people than you think, and I’m pretty sure they know you enough to know what you mean when you talk to them.’

 Tsukishima chuckles when Tobio’s finished, ‘So the king does have a kind heart, after all.’

 Tobio’s hand is still on Tsukishima’s shoulder, and Tobio lets it slide for once, patting the blond’s shoulder a few more times before pulling his hand away.

 Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Tsukishima open his mouth, but cuts ahead before Tsukishima has time to speak.

 ‘Okay, my turn.’

 Tobio takes a deep breath, still unsure of _why_ he’s even going to tell the blond bastard about his deepest fears and insecurities, but, he figures, Tsukishima did the same for him and he’s probably going to feel guilty if he doesn’t return the favor.

 ‘I have two soulmates. We were in Kitagawa Daiichi. It happened when we were in middle school, actually.

 ‘So long story short, I got too reckless with my tosses. They started calling me King behind my back, and then when they decided to abandon me in the middle of the match they cut our soulmate bond as well.’

 Tsukishima’s quiet, and then asks, ‘Doesn’t that have dangerous side-effects on the rejected?’

 Tobio laughs, bitterly, cold and cruel-sounding against the night air, ‘It’s not like I can do anything. Besides, I’ve dealt with it for almost a year now, I can handle it.’

 ‘Your soulmate’s in Seijoh.’ It’s a statement, but Tobio nods anyways.

 ‘That’s why you looked sick that evening.’

 ‘I’m just afraid being near them for a longer time is going to affect me and throw me off my game.’

 Tsukishima chuckles, but for once in his life, it’s not condescending. ‘Of course you’d care about that.’

 The conversation ends there, and Tobio, being the idiot that his is, goes and blurts out, ‘Can I hug you?’

 Cue awkward silence.

 ‘What,’ Tsukishima deadpans, though there’s a light smirk on his face. ‘The king, his Majesty, has chosen me, a commoner, for a hug? I feel honored.’

 ‘Shut up,’ Tobio grumbles, even as Tsukishima gestures for him to stand up, scooting back a little on the bench, leaning on the cold metal back to give Tobio some space to sit between his legs.

 For a moment, Tobio stands awkwardly in front of Tsukishima, who rolls his eyes, grabs Tobio’s wrist, and pulls him down so that Tobio’s straddling him.

 Tobio hesitantly wraps his arms around Tsukishima, burrowing his head into his shoulder. Tsukishima, on his part, settles for putting his arms around Tobio’s waist.

 And then they sit like that, Tobio perfectly content to stay in someone’s arms like this – even if it’s Tsukishima. It’s been a long time since anyone bigger than him hugged him.

 ‘You’re really touch starved,’ the blond remarks, hand moving up to play with Tobio’s hair, twisting and pulling at some of the messes that had formed after a few hours of tossing and turning while trying to sleep.

 ‘Shut up,’ Tobio retorts, ‘it’s been a long time since anyone’s hugged me like this.’

 Tsukishima huffs a little, though his hand doesn’t move from Tobio’s hair.

 ‘Well, enjoy it while it lasts, king.’

 Tobio mumbles something indistinguishable into his shoulder, feeling warm and sleepy despite the cold on his back.

 

 Somehow, they both end up falling asleep.

 

 Tobio blinks blearily, groggily lifting his head up to survey his surroundings. All the events of last night came flooding back to him, making him groan quietly and drop his head back down onto Tsukishima’s shoulder.

  _Oh, right. Tsukishima._

 Tobio tries to draw back, but the blond still has one of his arms around Tobio’s waist and the other in his hair, and Tobio’s attempts are futile as Tsukishima tightens his arms.

  _Oh well,_ he thinks, it’s not that bad staying like this. Tsukishima’s warm and comfortable, and, in all honesty, Kageyama doesn’t want to move for a long time.

 Maybe about ten minutes later, Tsukishima finally comes to, finally loosening his grip on Tobio’s waist and blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He, like Tobio minutes prior, looks around, eyes widening the slightest bit before unwrapping his arms from around Tobio.

 ‘Had a good sleep?’ Tsukishima grouches out, stretching his arms above his head.

 ‘You make a good pillow,’ Tobio informs him, shaking out his own arms to relieve the small cramps and sliding backward slowly to get off of Tsukishima.

 Once he gets off, Tsukishima stands up, stretching his legs. Tobio follows in suit, shaking out the stiffness in his legs.

 A glint of something green catches his eyes.

 ‘Wait,’ Tobio says, prompting Tsukishima to look at him. ‘Turn your head to the other side.’

 Tsukishima complies, and Tobio squints a little to make out the green thing on his collarbone.

 ‘Fuck,’ Tobio mutters under his breath.

 Tsukishima turns his head back, ‘What?’

 Tobio brings a hand up to below his neck, the same place Tsukishima’s gained a new soulmark. The blond’s eyes trail up to his collarbone, eyes glinting sharply under the glow of the rising sun.

 ‘Are you kidding me,’ he says.

 ‘Shut up. It’s not like I want to have your name forever scarred on my body, moron.’

 Tsukishima’s eyes and smirk say _Who’s the real moron here?_  but Tobio pretends not to notice, instead says, ‘We should head home. I don’t wanna be late.’

 Tsukishima mockingly salutes him with a grin, and then walks away.

 

 

 Fortunately, Tobio ends up being only three minutes late, due to frantically searching for a clean shirt to wear that he isn’t going to take to the camp.

 Nobody notices the new soulmark on either him or Tsukishima and for that, Tobio is at least a bit grateful.

 Once they get to Aoba Johsai, everyone’s in a hurry so they still don’t notice the soulmark. Oikawa welcomes them, albeit with a little threatening of personally ruining their lives if they didn’t win Nationals.

 Practice starts then, random players divided into two teams both form Seijoh and Karasuno. On the first day, Tobio’s lucky. His team doesn’t get paired up with both Kunimi and Kindaichi at the same time, occasionally just with one of them.

 Tobio also manages to keep himself from throwing up until they’re done, rushing to the toilets as soon as the captains declare that practice is 1over.

 When he finishes, Tobio leans back against the bathroom stall, taking a breath and flushing the toilet.

 The day hasn’t been that bad. Aside from the constant bothered, sort-of-upset-but-not-really, and feeling worse than usual about himself, it’d gone far better than expected.

 However, his peace and quiet is disturbed by the sound of the bathroom door opening.

 ‘Tobio-chan, are you in there?’

 Tobio stifles a groan, standing up and brushing himself off. ‘Yes, Oikawa-san?’ He exits the stall, finding Oikawa leaning on one of the counters.

 ‘Do you want to join us for more practice?’

 Tobio looks at him apprehensively. ‘Why?’

 Oikawa rolls his eyes, ‘Come on, Tobio-chan, can’t I invite my cute kouhai to extra practice?’

 ‘You haven’t been very receptive of me, Oikawa-san.’

 Oikawa grins, ‘Come now, let bygones be bygones.’

 Tobio rolls his eyes, but says anyway, ‘Fine.’

 Oikawa slings his arm over his shoulder, ‘That’s the spirit!’

 He lets go, telling Tobio to join him after he’s finished. ‘By the way,’ Oikawa says, pausing at the door, ‘Kindaichi and Kunimi aren’t going to be there,’ and then leaves.

 Tobio doesn’t even stop to wonder how Oikawa figured it out. Honestly, at this point, he would’ve been more surprised if Oikawa _hadn’t_ figured it out.

 

 

 ‘Tobio-chan!’ Oikawa calls as soon as he steps into the gym again. ‘Come set for Iwa-chan, I need to help Makki and Mattsun.’

 Tobio makes his way to Iwaizumi, who smiles at him and tells him to give his best toss.

 

 

 Feeling more clear-headed than he’s been the entire day, Tobio trudges back to the room Karasuno’s staying in.

 It probably would’ve been more beneficial to stay and practice serving, Tobio belatedly realizes as he walks into the dorms to find his teammates hollering and screaming.

 Tobio finds the cause of it soon enough – Tsukishima sitting in the middle of the room holding his head in his hands as if trying to prevent a major headache.

 As soon as everyone notices Tobio, the screaming stops for a second, then continues with more fervor and Tobio feels his clear-headedness drain away rapidly.

 ‘YOU AND TSUKISHIMA ARE SOULMATES,’ Tanaka screams into Tobio’s face, explaining why everyone is being so loud.

 Tobio groans, but accepts the hugs everyone gives him – ‘Tsukishima didn’t accept them, so we’re giving you hugs for both you and Tsukishima,’ Hinata explains – and after fifteen minutes, they’ve mostly calmed down due to Daichi’s death glares.

 ‘So,’ Hinata starts, crawling into his sleeping bag beside Kageyama. ‘No reason to be jealous anymore, right?’

 ‘I wasn’t jealous in the first place, dumbass,’ Tobio mumbles into his pillow.

 Hinata laughs and calls Tsukishima and Yamaguchi over to them.

 

 

 The second day leaves Tobio feeling worse for wear, constant headaches and the feeling of wanting to throw up, but not quite, warring with each other.

 The only notable incident of the day is when Tsukishima accidentally – he’s actually, subtly, trying to lessen the times he calls Tobio ‘king’ – calls him king within earshot of all the other Seijoh members.

 Tobio stumbles, hit with a fresh wave of disgust and contempt, knees hitting the floor and hands shooting out reflexively to break his fall.

 Immediately, Hinata and Yamaguchi are by his side, checking for injuries and asking if Tobio’s alright. Even Tsukishima looks the slightest bit concerned.

 ‘I’m fine,’ Tobio manages to say, ‘I’m okay.’

 ‘Are you sure you’re not hurt? Do you want to go to the infirmary?’ Yamaguchi frets, hands flitting over Tobio like he’s looking for some injury.

 ‘I’m fine,’ Tobio says again, ‘I just couldn’t sleep last night.’

 Reluctantly, the two let him go, and Tobio sways for a second when he gets back on his feet.

 An annoying voice pops up, ‘Tobio-chan! If you get ill I will personally make sure to skin you alive!’

 Fuck Oikawa. Fuck him and his creepy-ass ways of encouraging people.

 

 

 The third day is when everything goes to shit.

 In all honesty, everything had been going well – Tobio ignores Kunimi and Kindaichi and vice versa – and Tobio even felt the tiny flicker of hope that the training camp would pass peacefully and they could all go home happy – more or less – and never meet each other again.

 Of course, life hate him.

 Naturally, during the second match, Kindaichi and Kunimi are on the same team opposing Tobio’s, both being directed by the second years to block Hinata the best as they could.

 Actually, everything goes well up till the moment that all of them are on the front row setup. Now, Tobio just wants the match to be over, as an extremely annoying headache had been building up since the start of the game and is only getting worse by the minute.

 They’re still stubbornly ignoring each other, as Nishinoya receives and sends the ball to Tobio.

 All of Tobio’s concentration is focused on setting the ball to Hinata, when suddenly; a spike of pain shoots through his head, making Tobio set a faulty toss to Hinata. He manages to not collapse onto the floor until he hears the thud of the volleyball hit the floor.

 Vaguely, he can see Hinata cheering and turning back for a high five, then his smile falling as he spots Tobio crumpled on the floor. ‘Kageyama?’ Hinata asks, but his voice sounds underwater as he rushes to Tobio. There’s another person behind him, when he manages to get up onto his knees and shove Hinata away just in time not to throw up on him.

 He doesn’t know what’s happening, except that he’s spewing out his breakfast and there’s a dull ache in his chest and head.

 Someone’s hands are patting his back, but Tobio can’t tell who it is, only that the feeling is a lot more comforting than it should be.

 Then his vision goes black.

 

 When Tobio comes to, the first thing he thinks is _did we win the game?_ followed closely by _wait where the fuck am I?_

Groaning, he manages to pull himself up, sitting up so that he can see where he is.

 A look around the room shows that he’s in some infirmary, with – unsurprisingly – Hinata and Tsukishima conversing in the corner.

 Tobio coughs, and that’s what gets their attention, and sends Hinata dashing to the side of the bed Tobio’s in, Tsukishima following on his heels.

  _Heh, whipped._

 ‘Kageyama, are you alright?’

 ‘Ye - ‘ Tobio coughs, trying to get rid of the raspiness in his voice, silently thanking Tsukishima when he hands him a glass of water. ‘I’m okay.’

 Hinata frowns, ‘that’s what you said yesterday too, you ass! Do you know how worried I was?’

 ‘Sorry.’

 Hinata’s face softens, then softly prods him, ‘Hey, you know you can tell me what’s wrong, right?’

 Tobio sighs, then nods slowly, ‘Tsukishima, have you told him?’

 ‘Told me what?’

 ‘No, I haven’t.’

 ‘Okay, tell him.’

 Tsukishima nods, quietly turning to Hinata and telling him what Tobio had told him on that night before they left for the training camp.

 When he’s finished, Hinata is quiet, then scrambles onto the bed to give him a hug. Tobio gratefully accepts it, breathing in Hinata’s orange scented shampoo.

 Tsukishima stays quiet, rolling his eyes when Tobio tells him, ‘Don’t get jealous now, we did this for way longer than Hinata and I are doing this.’

 Immediately, Hinata’s head pops up, eyes twinkling. ‘You and Tsukishima hugged?’ he asks, ‘When?’

 Tobio sighs, ‘When we got our soulmarks.’

 Hinata turns to his boyfriend (?), demanding an explanation, and Tobio laughs at the way Tsukishima’s face twists in exasperation.

 When he’s finished, Tobio finally asks, ‘What’s the time?’

 ‘Huh? Uh, I think it’s about one or two. Why?’

 Tobio rips off the covers, scrambling to get off the bed even as Tsukishima rolls his eyes and restrains him. ‘Come on, guys, I have to play!’

 Hinata says, ‘Nope, nuh-uh, you aren’t going back until Daichi says you can. Do you know how much everyone was worried?’

 ‘But – ‘

 ‘No buts,’ Tsukishima cuts in, shaking his head even as Tobio sends him his meanest glare. ‘You need to rest.’

 Tobio sighs, ‘Come on, it’s the last day!’

 ‘No,’ Hinata and Tsukishima say at the same time.

 ‘Fine,’ Tobio relents, ‘but you have to go back and play without me.’

 ‘Fine,’ Tsukishima says, and Hinata nods along reluctantly.

 Just as they’re going back, Tobio says, ‘Wait.’

 ‘Yeah?’

 ‘Did we win the match?’

 Tsukishima rolls his eyes, but Hinata frowns and says, ‘you idiot! Do you think we would continue without you?’

 Hinata continues to rant, ‘Besides, you should tell us when you’re not feeling well! You could’ve refused to come here in the first place!’

 ‘Hinata,’ Tsukishima puts a hand on his shoulder, which thankfully seems to calm him down.

 ‘Can you go ahead without me?’

 Hinata frowns, but goes anyway, telling Tsukishima not to take too long.

 Tobio turns to the blond, ‘What?’

 Tsukishima tuts, ‘So hostile. I just wanted to confirm something.’

 Tobio rolls his eyes, ‘What?’

 ‘Is it Kindaichi and Kunimi?’

 Tobio’s eyes snap to Tsukishima’s face, ‘What – ‘

 The blond nods, seemingly satisfied with himself. ‘Thought so.’

 Seems like he can’t let this one go. ‘Yeah,’ he relents.

 Tsukishima goes out, but not before Tobio has a chance to hear a ‘get better soon’ fall from his lips.

 

 

 After what feels like hours, but what’s probably only thirty minutes, Daichi comes into the room, holding a tray with what’s probably his lunch on it. He didn’t forget the milk, Tobio notices.

 Setting the tray down on the small table beside the bed, Daichi pulls up a chair and sits.

 ‘What happened back there?’ Daichi asks him.

 ‘I fainted.’

 Daichi rolls his eyes, ‘That’s not what I meant. Asahi had to carry you here and you also threw up.’

 Tobio closes his eyes, ‘It’s nothing, Daichi-san. I just haven’t been eating well recently.’

 It’s a flimsy lie, and they both know it.

 Daichi sighs, but stands up anyways, ‘If there’s anything on your mind you can always come to me or Suga, okay?’

 ‘Yeah.’ _Like hell I will._

Daichi ruffles his hair, and leaves.

 

 

 Tobio doesn’t play for the rest of the day, under Daichi’s order, going back to the dorms and reading manga on his phone.

 When his teammates come back, they exchange a few greetings with him, and Hinata settles next to him after taking a shower to tell him about how the day went.

 ‘And, like, it went all ”GUAHHH” and “BAMM” and it was so cool! Like there was so much force but Tsukki still managed to block it! And Yamaguchi’s getting so much better! Like, all his serves got over the net today – ‘

 ‘That’s still better than you,’ Tobio cuts in and sends Hinata into a fit of rage.

 Suddenly, there’s a knock, and, surprisingly, Tsukishima’s the one to get up to see whoever it is outside. He steps outside for a minute, and, during that time, everyone can feel the tension in the air.

 Even Hinata stops fake-raging and listens for a moment.

 Unfortunately, the walls are thick enough that the words are blurred, but they can hear Tsukishima’s cool, daunting voice and some unfamiliar voices that are rising in volume.

 Abruptly, the voices stop, and then they hear Tsukishima sigh, the long-suffering, kill-me-now one that everyone’s grown used to at this point.

 The door swings open, and nobody even pretends to be doing something as Tsukishima strides towards Tobio.

 With a jerk of his chin, Tsukishima tells him, ‘They’re waiting for you.’

 Tobio suddenly had a very, _very_ bad feeling.

 Swallowing his nerves, Tobio stands up, thanks Tsukishima and walks out for what possibly could be the end of his life.

 …okay, Oikawa might have rubbed off on him. Just a little.

 Outside, Kindaichi and Kunimi stand against the wall, conversing quietly between themselves.

 Tobio can feel his heart jump up to his throat.

 ‘Yes?’ He manages to croak out, thankful that his voice doesn’t sound as bad as he’s feeling.

 ‘Kageyama,’ Kindaichi starts, thumbs twiddling as he steps forward. ‘What happened this afternoon?’

 ‘Nothing,’ Tobio bites out, ‘I didn’t get enough sleep and I haven’t been eating much so I fainted. Is that it?’

 Kindaichi frowns. ‘It didn’t seem like nothing – ‘

 ‘Look,’ Tobio cuts him off, ‘if you’re just making sure I’m fine, then there’s no need. I’ve lived for a year already, I can live a few more.’

 ‘Kageyama – ‘ a sigh – ‘We just want to make sure this isn’t because of our bond.’

 A wave of fury rises in Tobio, so fierce and sudden, and he laughs despite the situation he’s in. ‘So that’s it?’ he says bitterly, crossing his arms, ‘You just want to relieve yourself of your guilt even though you’re the ones who broke our bond in the first place.’

 Kindaichi looks taken aback, ‘No, that’s not – ‘

 ‘Like hell it isn’t,’ Tobio growls, advancing and grabbing the front of Kindaichi’s t-shirt.

 Before he can say or do anything else, Kunimi’s suddenly there, separating his hand from Kindaichi’s t-shirt.

 ‘Stop,’ he says quietly, and Tobio reluctantly backs down.

 Once Kindaichi recovers, he says, ‘So you have two more soulmates now, huh?’

 Tobio can’t help the slight tremor in his voice when he says, ‘Well, I needed more since the ones I had clearly didn’t want me.’

 Kindaichi scoffs, ‘You got what you deserved.’ But Kunimi shushes him and he shuts his mouth.

 ‘If that’s all you needed, I’ll be going now,’ Tobio almost growls as he turns back to go back into the room.

 Just as he’s turning the knob, Kunimi says, ‘Wait,’ in that infuriatingly calm voice of his.

 Sighing, he says, ‘What?’

 After nudging Kindaichi and making sure that he’s not going to get a response, Kunimi sighs and says, ‘I wanted to apologize.’

 Tobio goes still, and, still not turning back, he asks, ‘Apologize for what?’

 He can hear them shifting, and as his grip on the doorknob becomes tighter and his skin whiter, Kunimi finally answers, ‘For treating you the way we did.’

 That, somehow, is the final tipping point for Tobio as he turns, eyes blazing and fists clenched so hard he’s probably going to leave marks.

 ‘Treating me the way you did?’ Tobio demands, fury lacing every letter of his words, ‘What? Treating me like shit? Ignoring me, cutting off our _soulmate_ bond? Making me feel _both_ of your emotions even though I don’t want to?’

 Tears stinging his eyes, he continues, ‘For making me throw up almost every single day? Making me feel like the shittiest person in the world? Leaving me alone even when you knew that my parents aren’t home every goddamn day of the week, making me feel like I was unwanted and unloved by even my _soulmates_?’

 Kindaichi cuts in, ‘Tobio – ‘

 ‘Don’t “Tobio” me!’ he almost screams, uncaring of how his voice is getting louder with each word, on the verge of cracking with the tears thick in his eyes. ‘Do you even care about how I felt? Being alone and believing that there was nothing for me in the world except my talent as a setter. Even _that_ failed me. You two at least have each other with you, and – and if you wanted me to feel your emotions about me, then that’s fine!’

 Gasping, Tobio wishes for something to punch, anything to draw out the anger from him, and there’s only Kindaichi and Kunimi and they’re the only people he can lash out his anger at the moment. ‘And – and, even when I showed you how I could work with a team, tried to apologize to you, you _rejected_ me and told me that you didn’t want a fucking _apology_.

 ‘So what should I do now, huh?’ he demands, ‘Reject you like you did to me? Happily accept your shitty excuse of an apology and hold hands and bury all my insecurities just so that I can be with you again? Grovel at your feet and say I‘m not worthy of your fucking approval?’

 By now, tears are streaming unadulterated out of his eyes, and Tobio’s vision is fuzzy, and Kindaichi and Kunimi are entirely silent, but he continues anyway. ‘Do you even know what emotional pain I went through because of your rejection? Do you – do you know how _hurt_ I was? I know you felt betrayed because I pushed you too hard, but does that earn a lifetime of being shunned, rejected by the only people who you thought would love you, no matter what?’

 Tobio doesn’t even know he’s sinking down onto the floor until he stops, vigorously using to heels of his hands to wipe the tears out of his eyes.

 Kunimi extends out a hand, maybe to put on his shoulder, but Tobio flinches away, more tears streaming out of his eyes even as he valiantly tries to stop it.

 Cradling his own head in his hands, Tobio mutters, ‘No, no, no, no no no no nononono,’ repeatedly, shaking his head and gasping, trying to think clearly through the mess in his head.

 The door bursts open, and though Tobio can’t really focus on what’s going on, he does know that Asahi is carrying him back into the room like a sobbing baby and Tsukishima and Suga are shooting their best glares at the probably terrified pair.

 Once they’re back inside, Tobio refuses to let Asahi go – he’s like a big, cuddly teddy bear – and clings to him like a koala while Hinata – who he thinks is beside him – strokes his hair and holds his hand and tells him that everything will be fine. He also thinks Tsukishima is in the mix, wrapping him and Asahi in blankets. Tobio doesn’t know how long he stays like that, but he drifts off into a comfortable sleep, better than any of those he’s had over the past few months.

 

 

  _A void, back space._

_There’s nothing around him._

_Only – a flicker of light._

_Tobio looks down at himself._

_He’s wearing his old uniform, the blue number 2 standing out brightly against the white of the shirt. There’s a blue ribbon tied around his wrist, connected – somehow – to two other blue ribbons._

_When he looks up, Kindaichi and Kunimi are in front of him._

_‘Kindaichi? Kunimi?’_

_‘Tobio,’ they say in unison, and Tobio flinches, not used to hearing his name come out of their mouths after so long a time._

_Kindaichi starts first, taking Kunimi’s hand in his own, ‘You chose to abandon us.’_

_Tobio’s eyes grow wide, and he tries to protest, ‘I –‘_

_Kunimi cuts him off, ‘But that’s fine. We have each other, and we don’t need you.’_

_Tobio’s mouth feels dry as he watches Kunimi cuts his ribbon off from his and Kindaichi’s. With a scissor that appears out of nowhere, no less._

_The ribbon falls, limp and frail, dangling in the air._

_‘Wait.’_

_Both Kindaichi and Kunimi look at him, waiting for an explanation._

_‘I – I’m sorry. At that time I just wanted to get better and bring everyone else up with me. I know it isn’t an excuse for what I’ve said and done to you, but I just need to explain._

_‘I still feel like crap when ever I think about it, because I didn’t realize, at that time, how much I was hurting you. I thought it was the opposite, because I didn’t understand that not everyone liked volleyball like I did. But, I’ve learned now. It’s still hard for me to talk to people, but everyone at Karasuno’s helped me a lot and I just feel like this is the time to get things off my chest.’_

_Tobio takes a deep breath after he finishes, looking down at his shoes to avoid their gazes._

_Suddenly Tobio hears a chuckle. He snaps his head up, to find Kindaichi, chuckling a bit, Kunimi following with a hint of a smile on his lips._

_‘Tobio,’ Kunimi says, ‘Do you really mean that?’_

_‘Yes.’_

_‘Okay,’ Kindaichi says._

_‘Okay?’_

_‘We forgive you,’ Kindaichi says._

_‘But,’ Tobio says, holding up the torn ribbon, ‘What about this?’_

_Taking one of his hands, Kindaichi asks, ‘We’ll tie it back together.’_

_Though confused, Tobio allows his hand to be taken, automatically curling his fingers around Kindaichi’s._

_He’s missed this._

_‘I’ve missed this,’ Kindaichi says, right after he’s just thought that._

_Tobio, still confused, says, ‘But if we tie it back together, it won’t be the same as before?’_

_Kunimi smiles for real this time, reaching out and taking Tobio’s other hand. ‘It doesn’t matter, right?’_

_Kindaichi nods along, ‘What matters is that we’ll be together again.’_

_Tobio, for the first time in their presence, allows himself to smile._

 

 

 When Tobio wakes up, he feels better than he’s felt for a long time.

 Asahi, by the looks of it, is still asleep – though how long can he sleep in an uncomfortable position Tobio doesn’t know – and Tobio climbs out of the mound of blankets piled upon him as gently as he can so as not to wake him up.

 As soon as he’s steady on his feet, he walks outside. The sun isn’t very visible, clouds obstructing the light that shines through. It’s about five thirty, he calculates.

 Tobio stuffs his hands into the pockets of a random jacket he’d picked up off the floor- which is probably Tsukishima’s, considering it has multiple cutesy cartoon dinosaurs on it.

 Opting to take a stroll around, Tobio ambles around the school compound, occasionally stopping to feel the wind and appreciate the light warmth the rays of sun can give him.

 He decides life hate him as he’s going to round a building and he hears the voices of two people he’s been most eager to avoid.

 The best course of option is to walk away and pretend like nothing’s ever happened, and never talk to those two again, but Tobio’s a curious fellow, okay?

 So he hides himself behind the building and strains his ears to listen to whatever they’re saying.

 Kindaichi’s the one who’s talking, and Tobio manages to catch the tail end of his sentence. ‘…him.’

 (He knows they’re talking about him.)

 A brief pause and then, ‘You know it’s also our fault.’

 ‘I don’t – ‘ the sentence is interrupted by what sounds like a suspiciously choked sob – ‘I wish it was like the old times again.’

  _You and I both know that it’ll never be the same again._

‘Me too.’

 ‘It means he rejected us, right?’

 ‘I guess.’

 It’s all quiet for a moment and Tobio wants to shout out that _no I wasn’t trying to reject you I just want us to be together again I never wanted us to be this way, please understand me._ But his chest hurts too, a pain that Tobio knows isn’t from him and can identify as longing and some hope mixed with despair.

‘I miss him, Akira.’

 ‘I miss him too, Yuu.’

 ‘Do you think we’ll ever be together again?’

 ‘I don’t know.’

 It’s the hopelessness in Kunimi’s voice that make Tobio think _I want to be together with you again, I want to stay with you again, I miss the hot chocolate we made terribly and drank anyway because we thought it would keep evil away, I know I have Hinata and Tsukishima, but they’ll never be the same as you are._

Both voices still suddenly, and Tobio stills too, wondering if he made some kind of noise to alert the other two that he’s there.

 ‘…did you hear that?’ Kunimi says quietly and Tobio assumes Kindaichi nods when there’s no reply.

 They’re both silent after that, maybe listening for more of whatever they’ve heard, but as far as Tobio knows, there’s nothing to hear.

  _SAY SOMETHING, DAMMIT!_

 He can hear their gasp, the rustling of leaves that indicate they’ve stood up, making him back off slightly in fear of being found out.

 Everything is quiet again, until Tobio hears something faint. It’s very muffled, like someone’s shouting underwater, and he strains his ears to see if he can hear it again.

  _Kageyama?_

 ‘What?’ he snaps out loud instinctively, then slaps his hands over his mouth.

 Kunimi and Kindaichi have surely heard him by now, and Tobio is stuck between the decision to crawl into a random bush and die or just plain out run away, change his name and move to America.

 He can hear their footsteps, the rustling of leaves drawing closer that indicate the Kindaichi and Kunimi are drawing closer.

 Tobio would like to say that he was going to be brave but, in hindsight, his fight-or-flight had gone completely offline, leaving him frozen in place like Hinata when he meets any intimidating opponent outside the bathroom. At least he’s not making any crazy poses and telling anyone to fight him.

 So it’s not much of a surprise when the two round the corner and Tobio’s just gaping at them like aliens have landed on earth and are planning to abduct him. (Oikawa is the far better choice, for multiple reasons.)

 ‘Kageyama,’ Kindaichi says softly first, almost whispering, as if they don’t want to startle him.

 ‘Kindaichi,’ Tobio returns, clearing his throat and looking anywhere but them.

 Tobio opens his mouth, preparing for what might possibly be the biggest apology of his life.

 Kindaichi beats him to it.

 Tobio only has half a mind to shut his mouth as Kindaichi bows, and says, ‘I’m sorry I acted like such an asshole, I should have tried to understand you and not reject you when you tried to do your best for us, I’m sorry and I want us to be together again – ‘

 ‘Wait no!’ Tobio bursts out and Kindaichi looks taken aback. ‘ _I’m_ the one who should be apologizing, you didn’t do anything wrong – I yelled at you because I couldn’t keep my emotions under control – ‘

 ‘No! It’s our fault we decided to abandon you in the middle of the match – ‘

 ‘Yeah, but it made me a better person – ‘

 ‘It’s still our fault – ‘

 ‘Goddammit, Kindaichi! Stop being stubborn for once!’

 ‘ _You_ stop being stubborn for once!’

 ‘No, _you_ get it through your thick head and hair –‘ Kindaichi makes an affronted noise – ‘that this is all _my_ fault, and _I’m_ the one who should be apologizing!’

 They’ve inched closer with every remark, and now they’re just a hair’s breadth away from each other, and Kindaichi’s blurry in Tobio’s eyes.

 They’re both breathing heavily, breaths mingling with the other’s, when they hear Kunimi laughing from beside them.

 Both of them whip their heads to the side, somehow managing not to knock their heads with each others’, to stare at Kunimi, laughing without restraint, eyes sealed shut and mouth wide as he leans against the wall for support.

 Tobio stares – he hasn’t seen Kunimi laugh this much since their first year in high school.

 (And just like that, Tobio falls in love.)

 It’s _beautiful._ The thing is that Kunimi thinks that he has an ugly laugh, so he almost never doesn’t, no matter how many times Kindaichi and Tobio have tried to convince him that he looks really, really pretty when he’s laughing.

 Tobio catches Kindaichi’s eye, and then they silently agree on an unspoken truce to watch Kunimi laughing and continue arguing about who’s at fault later.

 When Kunimi finally stops laughing, he wipes the tears from his eyes –Tobio honestly still doesn’t know what’s so funny about this situation – and stops to catch a breath, hands on his knees and he bends forward.

 When he straightens up again, Kunimi finally explains, albeit breathlessly, ‘You two are too dense.’

 ‘Hey!’ Kindaichi and Tobio say in tandem, because, while that may be true, both of them are centuries from admitting it.

 ‘No, you really are,’ Kunimi reassures them, ‘you both are arguing over her arguing about your soulmate bond when it’s already fixed, you dolts.’

 Tobio and Kindaichi stare at each other, then at Kunimi, then at each other again, before Tobio finally breaks and says, ‘What?’

 ‘See?’ Kunimi says, ‘You _are_ stupid.’

 Taking a blow to his pride, Tobio manages to say, ‘What?’ again.

 Kunimi takes a deep breath, and then closes his eyes.

  _You are both stupid._

‘I’m not!’ Tobio says indignantly, only to stop up short when Kunimi gives him a look.

 ‘Kageyama,’ Kunimi says, using the most patient tone he can offer. ‘I didn’t say that out loud. You heard that _in your mind._ ’

 ‘Oh,’ Tobio says, completely dumbfounded and wondering if this is all a dream.

 ‘Yeah?’

 ‘Wait – does – does this mean – ‘ Kindaichi says, and honestly Tobio had almost forgotten that he was there for a moment.

 ‘Yeah,’ Kunimi says, smile now reduced to a soft upturn of his lips, but it’s still cute nonetheless.

 Tobio doesn’t speak, instead looking from one to the other before taking in a deep breath.

  _Can you hear me?_

They both grin at him (well, Kindaichi does) and instead of answering verbally, their voices overlap in his mind.

  _We can._

Tobio doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know whether to cry, or laugh or smile or hug them or just anything that involves moving any parts of his body. This is just as well, because Tobio can’t find the willpower within himself to do anything other than just stand there probably looking like an idiot.

 As he continues to stare dumbly at them, Kindaichi and Kunimi’s smiles fade away.

 ‘Do you…’

 ‘Are you not happy with this?’

 Tobio’s default emotion is either anger or volleyball, and he does not do well when he’s introduced to new and complicated emotions.

 Therefore, it’s only logical for him to start crying.

 Both Kindaichi and Kunimi stare at him in surprise as tears stream out of Tobio’s eyes and he furiously tries to wipe them away.

 ‘Kageyama?’ Kunimi tries tentatively.

 ‘Nothing – it’s nothing, I’m fine,’ he manages to blubber out, then latches himself onto the nearest thing that he can cry on.

 Unfortunately, the nearest thing happens to be Kindaichi, who is most likely feeling very overwhelmed by having a Sobbing Kageyama TobioTM thrown onto him with very little warning.

 Kindaichi’s large hand comes up to hesitantly pat Tobio’s back while Tobio sobs with all abandon onto Kindaichi’s chest.

 ‘No, it – it’s not that,’ Tobio says, trying to get a goddamn handle on his emotions, ‘I-I’m just – ‘

 He stops to take a breath, trying to control himself, before mumbling into Kindaichi’s shirt, ‘I’m just really happy.’

 He hears Kunimi faintly mumble, ‘What?’

  _I’m really happy._

Everything’s quiet for a moment, Kindaichi’s pats on his back becoming slow rubs, and Tobio slowly releases the breath that he’s been holding.

 Suddenly, Tobio feels a warm weight on his back, and he twists his head around to see that, yes, it _is,_ in fact, Kunimi and Tobio melts into their embrace like cheese between two pieces of bread.

 ‘Hey,’ Kunimi says a few minutes later, ‘d’you wanna go sit down?’

 Tobio nods mutely, and allows himself to be walked to where Kindaichi and Kunimi had been sitting earlier.

 ‘So I never got to properly apologize,’ Kunimi says, turning to Tobio. ‘I’m sorry, Kageyama, you were right – we should’ve been more considerate of your feelings. I realize that now.’

 Tobio opens his mouth to argue - but Kindaichi shushes him and picks up where Kunimi’s left off. ‘Yeah, and we should’ve been there for you. We could’ve tried to help you understand that everyone doesn’t like volleyball the way you do, instead of just being angry at you all the time.’

 ‘But,’ Tobio interjects, ‘It was my fault too. If I hadn’t been so close-minded then you wouldn’t have had to abandon me at all.’

 Kunimi and Kindaichi sigh, apparently realizing that whatever they do, they’re not going to convince Tobio that none of it is Tobio’s fault.

 ‘Okay,’ Kunimi softly agrees, ‘we’re all to blame here, okay?’

 Tobio accepts the compromise, when he remembers it.

 Sitting up suddenly, Tobio pulls up the sleeves of the dinosaur hoodie he’s been wearing (and almost forgot about), unwrapping the bandages from around his wrists as quick as he can.

 Kunimi and Kindaichi watch in silence as the last of the bandages fall away.

 Tobio almost cries again.

 On his wrists, are two bright soulmarks, one blue and the other gold, and both of them newly-healed, and not a bit of the dull blurriness remains on his soulmarks.

 They’re both glowing too, from where they’re touching him. Kindaichi and Kunimi pull off their wristband, and their bond finally looks complete.

 Kindaichi, eager and stubborn, but still kind enough to cheer anyone up.

 Kunimi, calm and collected, but still nice and warm to the touch.

 And lastly, Tobio, too obsessed with volleyball, but he’s learning to give space to people who aren’t.

 They still have a long way to go, and their wounds might not have fully healed yet – their scars too new and raw to touch, but they’re all learning, trying for the others, and Tobio smiles with Kunimi and Kindaichi as they lift their wrists up to examine them in the soft glow of the morning light.

**Author's Note:**

> there ya go, hope yall enjoyed it! i sure didnt *wipes tear away*  
> title is taken from katherine and eden's '2012'
> 
> also i made tsukishima and hinata both kags soulmate bc the poorboy deserves some love i think im just projecting onto him  
> and i know tsuki isnt the kind of person to just tell everyone about his problems but the nighttime makes you make very bad and weird descisions okay
> 
> constructive criticism is appreciated (feel free to point out any mistakes), and thanks for reading! :)
> 
> (you can visit me on tumblr at ryneisaterriblefan and on twitter as Rynestone15)


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